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Behavioural Change

It seems we are forever encountering the bad behaviour of individuals. Our response is typically to employ CBT programmes or therapy-based intervention. However, Many of the men I talked to:

  • Claim to have done programmes, seen professionals, and completed counselling, but never been asked what it is like being inside their thoughts.

  • Claim they can’t afford it.

  • Don’t have a framework of understanding what they experience. For example, the extremes in emotion.

  • Don’t understand why they react, or what can be heard by the protest?.

  • It is not until our basic needs are met that we can really think about being our best self or behaving well when distressed - for example dental care.

Behavioural Change


The effect of Trauma can have effects such as:

  • Depression and self-hatred

  • Difficulties dealing with emotions and impulses

    • Being over reactive

    • Being easily overwhelmed

    • Finding it difficult to calm oneself

  • Dissociative responses such as 

    • Being numb 

    • Being in a daze

    • Having disconnected thoughts and emotions

  • Self destructive behaviours such as

    • Self- harming

    • Drug and alcohol addiction

    • Inability to develop and maintain satisfying personal relationships

    • Losing a sense of meaning and hope


"Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you're acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you're acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you."  - Gabor Mate


Supports for Men

Arguably the biggest hurdle for us to overcome as helpers when supporting men is our own attitude, our thinking needs to change. We are not fixers, Our pragmatic rhetoric is often outdated. Our assumptions are often wrong. And our disciplinary actions ineffective. We have not understood the effects of trauma, yet our communities and workplaces are full of traumatised people.


Those who protest with their objectionable actions want to help themselves. They don’t need us tell them their actions are offensive because they know it. What they need is a safe place to learn to express themselves and make mistakes. What they (and we) need is to believe their self-determination will improve their life or work outcomes. They hold deep beliefs that those in the mainstream system will judge and shame them.


Men need a framework for understanding what they are experiencing. Often they are overwhelmed by emotion they do not understand. They need access to someone who can make sense of their past, present and coaching to go forward.


“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -  Maya Angelou

Supports for Men

Structural Inequities

Privilege is maintained in Aotearoa society by protecting a dominant, patriarchal worldview. Many organisations have funding structures that do not make institutions accountable of achieving equity, so the status quo has continued. However, Aotearoa is changing to the point where genuine power sharing with Iwi is becoming a reality.


We are going to need to grow up as a society to have these discussions in our workplaces and communities. We have been sewing seeds of different values for some time. Accordingly, our youth think and behave differently.


Leadership in workplaces and the community are being challenged to lead differently and need to be capable of free and frank discussions about what structural racism, colonisation and white privilege look like, and how they might be overcome.

Structural Inequities

Decolonise Services

Throughout our countries short history, Aotearoa has been a world leader in social service delivery and for many of our population their experience of social services help has been a good experience. However It would seem that in 2022 There are large portions of our society who reject the Crowns beliefs, systems and structures.


The subgroups are over-represented in poor outcomes of all types, but especially poverty, health, mental health, violence, crime, drug and alcohol statistics.

Decolonise Services
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